The Haircut

Today, I went to get the hair cut (as they would say in Ireland) Why is today so different from any other haircut day? Well let me tell you. Everything started out as usual, make an appointment, turn up on time, wait for ages, then get asked to go and get your hair washed at the sink. Only thing that was different today was the junior who drew the short straw and got the lovely job of washing the hair of every total stranger who came in the salon. Does this dialogue ring a bell; 'Hello sir, is the water warm enough' no it's fucking freezing. Don't know why they ask you because by the time the girl has got halfway through washing your hair it's too hot. Then after you've had the shampoo, 'would you like conditioner sir?' to which I replied 'does my hair need it?'
She said 'only on the ends'
I said 'don't bother then, I am going to get them cut off in in a minute'

She doesn't even smile, meanwhile, I am splitting my sides laughing to myself and my mind starts wandering......

......when I was working for the local council years ago, I decided one day to go to the barber and get my hair cut. It was just after lunchtime when I sat in the chair and told the barber how short I wanted it cut. I looked around the salon and bugger me, there was the Chief Executive of Stafford Borough Council sitting in the chair next to me. I nodded to him and he nodded back as we knew each other, then he had the audacity to ask me what I was doing in the barbers shop in the middle of the afternoon. I told him that I was getting my hair cut and he said I can see that but you are getting it cut in work's time. I thought, that's a bit rich coming from you mate as we are both in work's time so I said that it grows in work's time so I am getting it cut in work's time. The cheeky bugger was obviously looking for a fight because he said it doesn't all grow in work time, to which I replied, I'm not having it all cut off.

When I got back to work, I told the other guys in the joiners shop and they found it very amusing. Frank, one of the wags told me about the time when he went into a barbers shop for a haircut. Now, being rather thin on top and sporting a moustache he said to the barber after he had cut his little bit of hair, can you trim my moustache please. The barber said 'no, it's not on top of your head'. Frank duly put his head right back and looked up at the ceiling and replied 'it is now'